They grow up too soon.

As I sat at my little table at the back of the classroom today and I looked out to all those 20 kids with their backs facing me, my heart swelled up with joy and peace. Honestly (though may be selfish) my wish was that they remain kids forever. I mean, who is more true to himself but a child? Who is free of worries, but them? And my favorite of them all, who forgives so easily and keeps on loving anyways but children?

I have so many great moments with these kids that I deeply treasure. But if I have to think of some right now, I would say that the greatest moments on my days with them; it is every time that I find myself on both knees, staring into their big bright eyes and all they can do is just smile at me without saying a word. When all they want is to just lean on me and watch everyone and everything from the same distance with me. To “ride horsey “on my legs.  Or have to lean against me every time I give them a pat on the head or a hug from behind. The good bye kisses on the cheek and the “hallo” warm hugs in the morning. I deeply cherish every moment they try to convince me that they love me more than the sweet cakes in the world. The moments they try to make me proud with how much they have scored in a test, by how well they are behaving, or how good they are at a certain game.

Then there are moments when I have to remind them about my ‘grey’ hair and the fact that I only have two ears and two eyes. Moments where by; one of them don’t wants to share, someone is pushing, one is screaming, and everyone is complaining about someone or something at the very same time.

 But best of all is the excitement on their faces when they hear that they are very special and how they brighten up and glow to words such as: you are so beautiful. You are awesome. You look good. It’s okay.  “That is my baby!” and many more…

It’s amazing how you can change and move a child’s life and heart just by telling and showing him/her how much you truly love her/him!

God uses them to soften our hearts of stones. He uses them to kill our pride, to rejoice over small matters, and He teaches us to see His beauty and love in everything like they do… to take one step at the time and to fully trust Him.

But when they grow up, all of these suddenly changes. It’s like there is a season to throw it all out the window. And they take on a different life, which makes them different people.

But the reality of the matter is this: everyone grows up and sooner or later they have a tendency to change.

So I have to say that today was like a wakeup call; for me to enjoy and cherish every moment with them while I still have the chance to. To hug them, kiss them, encourage them, speak truth into their lives, and build them up into the light of the word, while their hearts are still soft and tender.

Whatever the Lord sows into their lives today through us as theirs teachers and mothers, my prayer is that there will come a day when those seeds will crack open and produce meaningful fruits. And that those fruits will carry seeds with a meaningful purpose to change and train up the next generation in the same way.

Disapointed...

I guess my disappointing moments is the last thing I want to post in my teacher’s journal. But since it has to do with the kids, I have to be faithful and do so.

 I have to admit that I have been the worst possible mom and teacher to my kids at school this week. First, I scolded the grade 3s for misbehaving and as if that was not enough; I went on to comparing them to other kids, which was really not the right thing to do. I went overboard this time. Most of the kids went out looking really sad. I noticed the hurt I have done, but because of my anger I was too proud to go bad and ask for their forgiveness. I covered my face in shame to that, but that did not help anyone at all. Growing up I have always hated being compared to other people, I hated it when someone always had something nice to say about the good kid around the block and never me. I hated it when they demanded: 

“Why can’t you be more like your brother or your sister, (even worst) your best friend?”

The truth is comparison brings division and self hatred. It makes children feel less valuable or unloved. But it didn’t help me at all even though I knew all of these facts; I threw them right out of the window the moment I allowed anger and disappointment to settle in. 

The look on their faces was a clear sign that I was allowing my anger to get the best of me. It was a clear sign that I should step back and stop talking. Too bad I couldn’t blame it on the day: "it was just a bad day."  I couldn’t blame it on anyone at all. The truth is: I expected too much from them. The truth is I was fully disappointed in them. This was my previous grade 2s. The well behaved class. Well mannered. Calm and gentle towards each other. My babies. But now I look at them and I wonder to myself: “what on earth happened to you? Where did those little grade 2s I heartily adored went off too?”

Does it have to do with changing grades? Or is it just part of growing up?

Whatever it is, I guess the hardest part is trying to accept this new change. The challenging questions are: 

Am I willing to love any kid whole heartily and faithfully even if they go through some sorts of crazy phase and it brings hurt and disappointment?

or will I be flashing a disappointment expression at them every time they mess up really bad? 
will I learn to ease the reins in order to make more room for their every mistake?

When they go…Oops!...and they turn around to see me standing there, will they still see the love in my eyes and get that understanding and merciful smile, that says: “ Well, It’s ok. We all miss up pretty bad. And that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Though you are flawed, I still love you. Because you just remind me of how much I too needs the father's mercy and forgiveness every day”

Welcome to the World Tubby

My heart raced and my hands shivered when I heard that she was about to come. I was supposed to be the "midwife''. But I was in class, teaching the grade twos. I watched as the one life time opportunity swiftly passed me by. I knew by the time the kids go home, she will be born already. I was too late.

A few hours later, a text came through: “She is here!”

My heart sank with joy, my stomach turned upside down. I couldn’t believe it.

My hands shook as I walked through that hospital entrance today, and they shook some more as I stepped into that room.

And there she was, a delightful miracle from heaven above. A gift by grace from the Father himself, a beautiful baby girl!

As I reached out to hold her and I looked down on her tiny little face, I couldn’t help myself but to smile.

What a gift. Lesley was indeed a blessed woman. Every detail of her face was so perfect and nothing was missing, it reminded me of those 6 words:

“God looked and it was good.”
Those little hands, though so small and empty, I pray that God would use them to reach out to the needy. And those little feet, though they might stumble and be weak, I pray that God would use them in His perfect plan. That all she is, will be fully His.

Having her in my arms truly felt special. It welled up tears into my eyes… what a blessing indeed to be a mom. I loved her and I wish I could keep her forever...Our precious Tubby.

 

They changed my life

They make every moment special,every minute a blessing, 

and they turn our world upside down.

Few pictures for today, last day of the week and every body is excited!

 The grade 2s having lunch

                                            the grade 2 boys during break

                                                             the grade 2 girls

                                                                        time to go home

                                                                 Lunch time

Our Culture

Our culture tells us that our belonging comes from pursuing the right people, places, and things.
The joy you can get looks broad, but it's only an inch deep.

If you want to be on top of the 'food chain' you will have to fight for the world's acceptance and approval, to be conformed to the systems and traditions of this world that violate the true value and meaning of purity, decency, and anything that is meant to be good and sacred. The counterfeited joy in all of these only last for a while though, unless you drag along in vain in order to keep up.
But that's a secret kept aside as the world's shadows play hide and seek with you.

Instead of satisfying us, it betrays us, lies to us and leaves us hanging into the open to dry with out mercy.

The truth is: the more we pursue and crave for anything or anyone else besides Christ himself, the more lost and thirst-tier we would be.
No wonder Moses ran from it, Jesus refused it, and Paul counted it as garbage. Their eyes were fixed on something real and eternal.
The truth is, God doesn't promise us the world's greatest fortunes, but he promised to be our bread of life and the living fountain that satisfy our deepest thirst.
The question is
where do we go to quench our thirsty souls?

Is it at the fountain of fresh water?
Or would we rather choose to kneel down at the shore of salt water that keeps on leaving us more and more thirst-tier than before ?